What About Now?
by Hollyoaks Nutter
Summary: AU Jackson makes a full-recovery.  Please read and comment.  Carly x
1. Chapter 1

What About Now?

What about now,  
What about today,  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be,  
What if our love never went away,  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now.

Now that we're here,  
Now that we've come this far,  
Just hold on  
There is nothing to fear,  
For I am right beside you.  
For all my life,  
I am yours.

Waiting is the hardest thing to do Aaron concluded. It had been four hours, twenty minuets and thirty six no seven minuets since Jackson had been wheeled into theater and so far they had heard nothing.

"_Are you sure they've not said anything yet?"_

Not that he was sure how he would have missed it, but still there was always the chance the doctors had appeared when he went to the coffee machine, or outside for a sneaky cig or when he nipped to the toilet.

Hazel didn't respond and Gerry gave him a look that clearly said "_don't be a cretin_".

"_You know what this place is like. They won't mix their words even if you want them to."_

"_Exactly. When they know something you will."_

Adam squeezed his shoulder comfortingly as Gerry tutted condescendingly and didn't even look up from his newspaper.

"_Do you want to start now?_ Adam had to literally hold Aaron back in his seat. _At least I've been here for your son."_

"_I didn't cause this. You did. Just remember that." _

Gerry snarled threateningly as he rose to his feet.

"_No. You were never around long enough to really hurt him. Apart from oh yeah when you beat him up."_

"_Cut it out you two. This is the last thing any of us need."_

"_That's him. _Aaron jumped from his seat as he saw the doctor wheeling Jackson passed the viewing window. _Jackson. Jay."_

"_Mum's here. Jackson. Love."_

"_Can we go and see him?"_

"_Lets get him settled and we'll give you a call when he's woken up."_


	2. Chapter 2

Adam couldn't stand the atmosphere anymore, so he persuaded Hazel and Gerry to join him for a cup of vile hospital tea in the canteen downstairs, so that Aaron could have some time alone with Jackson, which he was surprisingly thankful for, although he felt awkward and had no idea what he was going to say, or why he was even saying it, it wasn't like he could hear him.

"_This is so weird. I'm never the one usually doing the talking. I don't even know if you can hear me. The doctor said you probably could, which is why your mum hasn't stopped nattering for the past three no make that four days, not that I blame her. You have to wake up so I can tell you I'm sorry. And before you ask what for I guess it is for everything. If I'd explained myself better, been able to tell you what I feel for you face to face you wouldn't be laying here. So you can wake up now. Even if it is to tell me to leave. __Jackson we've been through so much. You have changed my life. If I'd never met you I'd be a complete mess, not that you can see much difference, but I would have been in prison or dead by now, just ask my mam or Paddy. You have stopped me throwing my life away, shown me that it is okay to be myself, to be honest and to care for another person. For the first time someone has shown they care for me and it's scary, but I want to show you I feel the same and I do. I may not be able to say those words right now, but I am trying to work it out. I wouldn't want to go back to how things were, because if I lost you…I think I'd die. It's funny how this is so much easier to say when you're not talking. But I need you to wake up to hear what I'm saying. I may act tough and often I get things completely screwed up and I have hardly been a great boyfriend, but you are still here and I can change. I don't want to lose you. Please tell me it isn't too late? I know you've heard it all before, but the truth is I can't go back. I don't want to. I need you. I don't want anyone else, you were wrong about me needing to play the field, which isn't what I meant anyway. I know how I feel I just need you to believe me. I'm not going to leave you no matter what happens. I'm in this forever, because…because I…lo…lo-" _

Seems like yesterday  
I was thinking something so good couldn't come my way  
I was comfortable just sitting being all alone  
But now I know..  
I can't ignore what my heart is telling me  
Yeah, I know I'm a little past due  
After all that I've been through  
Break ups, and make ups, and mistakes  
And heartaches, but that ain't you  
I wanna sho' improvement  
So what do you want to do?  
Kissing and hugging and touching  
I ain't gon' lie to you

I can't turn back now  
Got me in over my head  
I'm in too deep  
Please show me how  
How to love you the way that you need me  
I can't turn back now  
I've come too far with you baby  
I can't leave  
So don't let me down  
I wanna follow wherever you lead me

Honestly, I wouldn't trade a minute of me bein' with you  
With nothing in the world cos when you look at me  
I can't breathe ..  
Can't nothin' ever stop me from me lovin' you  
Baby you are the truth.

Feeling completely useless still unable to say exactly what he was feeling, Aaron squeezed his hand briefly before leaving the room. How could he stay when all this was his fault? How would he be able to face him when he came round? If he came round.


	3. Chapter 3

Hazel was getting desperate. She had read and re-read every Mr Man and Little Miss book Jackson had owned as a child, and she had recounted every bit of gossip she could think of, but still he was unconscious and Aaron was worried.

"_How is he?"_

"_No change. You'd think he'd be getting sick of my voice by now. He used to love Mr Tickle. He used to laugh the place down when we did that. I bet he'd prefer you to do it now though._ She flashed a smile in his direction as he instantly blushed. _I'm running out of ideas. He could probably do with something else to listen to."_

"_I've got something he'd like. _Aaron fished in his pocket for his I-Pod. _It's our song. _He smiled shyly at Hazel."

"_I told you I'm willing to give everything a try."_

I'm running out of ways to make you see  
I want you to stay here beside me  
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am  
So just tell me today and take my hand  
Please take my hand  
Please take my hand

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love…

It was as the music started that the door creaked open.

"_Do you not have any respect?"_

"_So you came back then?"_

"_Not now Gerry. It was my idea."_

"_This is his favourite song."_

"_Fine. Just turn it down a bit."_

It's so simple and you know it is  
You know it is, yeah  
We can't be to and fro like this  
All our lives  
You're the only way to me  
The path is clear  
What do I have to say to you  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear  
For Gods sake, dear

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too  
For the touch of your warm skin  
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt  
This was all I wanted, all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want

"_A…Aaron."_

Jackson's eyelids flickered. He could hear voices. His mum, strangely his dad and that was definitely Aaron. Jackson breathed deeply into his oxygen mask as he finally opened his eyes. It had worked. None of them could actually believe it.

"_I'm here. Sssshhh don't speak."_

"_Mmmm…mum?"_

"_I'm here love. Your dad is too."_

Or at least he had been. As she turned around he slunk out of the door.

"_I don't believe it."_

Aaron seethed.

"_He doesn't want me."_

"_Why cos he didn't ask for you? Why would he? He hasn't seen you in six years."_

"_He's better off without me."_

"_You got that right."_

Aaron watched as he walked away, anger bubbling up inside him. After everything he'd done, after everything he had promised how could he just walk out on him again?

"_Aaron…"_

"_He's just outside love."_

"_I won't leave."_

Aaron whispered as he re-entered the room.

"_Promise?"_

"_I promise."_

Ohh ohh...

When the visions around you,  
Bring tears to your eyes  
And all that surround you,  
Are secrets and lies  
I'll be your strength,  
I'll give you hope,  
Keeping your faith when it's gone  
The one you should call,  
Was standing here all along..

And I will take  
You in my arms  
And hold you right where you belong  
Till the day my life is through  
This I promise you  
This I promise you

Without thinking or worrying about who was watching him, Aaron interlaced his fingers with Jackson's.

"_I…I can feel your hand."_

Jackson stammered as tears of happiness and relief welled in his eyes. Aaron turned to look at Hazel.

"_It's worked. _He whispered as a smile played on his lips. _Thank God."_

"_Bu…I can't feel my legs."_

"_Ww…why can't he?"_

"_I don't know. I'll call the doctor."_

"_I can't feel anything. Why can't I move my legs?"_

"_I'm sure it's only temporary. They said there may be slight complications. Don't worry it will be fine."_

Aaron whispered reassuringly in his ear as his mum left to find the doctor.

I've loved you forever,  
In lifetimes before  
And I promise you never...  
Will you hurt anymore  
I give you my word  
I give you my heart (give you my heart)  
This is a battle we've won  
And with this vow,  
Forever has now begun...


	4. Chapter 4

Seeing Sense

The garage was dead for a Friday, but still Aaron refused Cain's offer to have the afternoon off.

"_What's up? You had another row with loverboy? _Aaron determinedly turned his back on his uncle. _His__head must be all over the show. You just have to pick your battles."_

"_Not anymore."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I mean we've split up, it's over, we are no longer dating. Do you get the idea?"_

"_Yeah, but why?"_

"_Why? I think it has something to do with the fact he 'wishes he had never set eyes on me'."_

"_He said that?"_

"_Yeah and that I put him in the hospital, so overall I'd say this is more than just a row."_

Aaron opened up the hood of the only job they had on that afternoon to purposefully avoid his uncles penetrating stare as he felt tears welling in his eyes.

"_He didn't mean it."_

To his surprise he felt Cain squeeze his shoulder comfortingly.

"_He did. Believe me you weren't there."_

"_Aaron he'd just found out he wasn't going to be able to walk or move again I think you should take that with a pinch of salt. He loves you and you know it."_

"_And I do love him."_

He bit back instantly, before blushing furiously as he realized that was the first time he had ever said those words.

"_Have you told him that?"_

"_N…no. I can't say the words."_

"_Then don't say it. Show it."_

"_I tried that. He won't let me help him."_

"_That'll be because he is embarrassed. He'll feel totally humiliated having to let his mum care for him never mind you."_

"_It's not just that. He thinks I'm staying with him out of guilt."_

"_Are you? If the accident hadn't have happened would you have been able to say you love him?"_

"_I…Ye…I don't know."_

"_Well what do you want him to think?"_

"_I just want him to believe I'm there because I want to be."_

"_And you're proving that how exactly?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_When did you have this argument?"_

"_Last Friday."_

Aaron mumbled.

"_And when was the last time you went to the hospital?"_

"_That would be last Friday."_

"_And that's my point. Now we are obviously not going to have a rush of customers in the next hour, so I am offering…no telling you to take the rest of today off and go to see Jackson."_

"_Bu…."_

"_No buts. Don't even think of coming back to work until you've sorted yourself out, because you are no use to anyone in this state and I will check with Paddy. Now go. Go." 'God I am getting soft in my old age.'_

"_Cain?"_

"_What?"_

"_Thanks."_

"_Go, before I change my mind."_

Aaron had been sat in the Woolpack for over an hour, by himself when Paddy arrived. The mood he was in no one dared approach him, not even Adam who was sat at the opposite side of the bar with his mum and sister.

"_What do you mean, what do I mean? It was plain and simple English Paddy, he told me to leave and not go back."_

"_And you listened to him?"_

Paddy asked incredulously.

"_He didn't give me a choice."_

"_He obviously wanted you to say you would stay."_

Now Paddy was not an expert in these matters, but after his recent 'experience' with Rona and the ear bashing he received from Hazel that morning he felt more than qualified to impart his wisdom to Aaron.

"_How do you work that one out?"_

"_He wants to know you will fight for him and not run at the first opportunity."_

He parroted Hazel's line.

"_How was I meant to know that?"_

"_Common sense._ Or so he had been told. Aaron frowned in response. _He doesn't know where you stand, so that was his way of testing you."_

"_I don't know where we stand either, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be there for him."_

"_Then why are you sat here?"_

"_I thought I was doing what he wanted."_

Aaron stared at his now depressingly flat pint.

"_Yeah well his head is all over the place at the minuet, so what he says may not be exactly what he wants."_

"_Wonderful. So now I have to read between the lines on everything that comes out of his mouth?"_

"_Not exactly, but before the accident he told you he loved you and-"_

"_I didn't say it back."_

"_Exactly. He just wants to know you are there because you want to be and not because you feel responsible for what has happened."_

"_And you got all of that from what I told you?"_

Aaron sounded cynical, none of that had sounded like Paddy.

"_That and quite a lengthy heart to heart with Hazel this morning._ Aaron struggled to keep a straight face. _The things I do for you."_

"_So, what you're saying is I should drink this pint and get my backside back to the hospital?"_

"_If that is where you want to be then yes, but you definitely need to talk."_

"_I know. We've both been doing our best to avoid the issue, not that it has been too difficult with everything that has happened, but he is being moved to that rehab place next week, so I guess it was always going to come up."_

"_And do you know how you feel?"_

Paddy flushed at his own forwardness.

"_Not exactly. I know I'm scared and I know that is selfish, because it's not even me going through all this it's Jackson."_

"_So, if he gave you the chance to walk away, no ties, no guilt, no blame, would you do it?"_

"_You can't ask me that Paddy. It would never be that simple."_

"_It must be. You're here."_

"_I was doing what he asked me to do for a change."_

"_No. You took the easy way out as soon as it was offered to you."_

"_It wasn't like that."_

Aaron thumped the table in frustration spilling his untouched pint, but Paddy didn't move, not even slightly, he looked him straight in the eyes and no one even looked in their direction they were used to Aaron's outbursts.

"_He gave you that chance and you took it."_

"_No. No I didn't. I was always going to go back. I just needed space to clear my head."_

"_It doesn't look like that from where I am sitting."_

Paddy continued to goad him.

"_You don't know what you're talking about."_

"_Put me right. Go on. Explain."_

"_I wouldn't leave Jackson now or ever."_

"_And why's that?"_

"_B…be…because…."_

Aaron stuttered.

"_That is a very persuasive argument."_

"_BECAUSE I LOVE HIM. I LOVE HIM, OKAY?"_

This time everyone in the pub turned their attentions towards their table.

"_Phheeeww._ Paddy pretended to wipe his forehead over dramatically. _And finally he got there."_

"_I'm going to be sick." _

Gagging, Aaron sprinted to the toilets.

"_Get a move on. I'll give you a lift back up to the hospital."_


	5. Chapter 5

Four Years And A Miraculous Recovery Later

Aaron only realized he had been sat quite happily humming along to a Westlife song, when he heard snickering from the garage forecourt.

"_What are you two muppets playing at?"_

"_N…nothing boss."_

"_That's what I thought. I have a job on today in Leeds, so I am closing up early._ He'd certainly got a job on, but it wasn't of the mechanical kind. He'd agreed to meet Hazel and his mum in town, as they had agreed to help him with a special bit of shopping. _In fact I'm closing up now. It's your lucky day boys."_

It was Jackson's twenty-fifth birthday and Aaron was determined to make a special effort. The last couple of years had been difficult, well that was an understatement, but they had managed to come through and things were on the up.

Jackson's intense physical therapy had paid off and the doctors were amazed by the progress he had made. He no longer needed to use his wheelchair round the house and he could manage his own weight for longer.

Aaron had taken over ownership of the garage with Debbie, when Cain managed to get himself into serious trouble with the law and he was enjoying bossing Ryan and Adam around, not that they really minded.

"_So this job?"_

Adam queried unable to keep a straight face.

"_What about it?"_

"_What is it again?"_

"_You've spoken to my mum haven't you?"_

"_I may have bumped into her and Hazel earlier."_

"_God what a pair of loud mouths."_

"_So you are actually going through with it?"_

"_I know. Shock horror. Me settling down."_

"_I think it's great, mate. But wouldn't you prefer mine and Ryan's valuable insight?"_

"_I'll pass on that for now, ta. But you think it's a good idea?"_

"_It is a great idea. You are happy, in love and completely soppy so yeah it's perfect."_

"_And you're just jealous."_

"_Too right I am, but after everything you two have been through you deserve some happiness."_

"_You can come and help pick the rings if you like?"_

"_Nah, you're alright. I think you've got that covered. You can bring them over to mine later though for the royal seal of approval. When were you going to ask him?"_

"_I don't know. I hadn't really thought that far ahead."_

"_But he doesn't suspect?"_

"_Not as far as I know. I better go. I need a quick half before we set out. Dutch courage and all that."_

"_Yeah, I don't blame you. See you later."_


	6. Chapter 6

"_We have been through this already._ They had been wandering in and out of all the jewelry stores in Hotton for over three hours and Aaron's patience was wavering. _I don't want anything too over the top. It has to be gold, no stones just plain maybe with a slight pattern, but I want to leave room for an inscription."_

"_I liked the first one you saw in H Samuels."_

Hazel was determined to make her opinion count as per usual.

"_It was a woman's wedding ring."_

Chaz growled.

"_It was still pretty."_

"_He doesn't want pretty. They are two boys."_

"_Jackson would like it."_

"_No he wouldn't._ Aaron snapped having finally blown a fuse. He turned his back to Hazel so he was facing the display window and something sparkly caught his eyes. _But I think I've seen something he would."_

"_Great. Let's get it and get home. I've had enough of her for a lifetime."_

Chaz mumbled mutinously under her breath.

"_Yeah well a lifetime is what you'll have mam since we are all going to be family."_

"_Providing he says yes. _ Hazel snapped, but quickly retracted at the look Aaron and Chaz threw at her. _Which he will of course because he loves you."_

"_Exactly. Hi._ Aaron waved to attract the shop assistant's attention. _Can I have a look at the ring in the window over there, please?"_

"_Wonderful choice sir but you do realize that is one of our male collection?"_

"_Yes and I think my boyfriend will love it."_

Aaron tried his best to keep a straight face as the poor woman flushed furiously and stuttered incoherently.

"_Yy…y…yes well it is one of the more pricey rings in the collection at three hundred pounds."_

This time it was Aaron who was left reeling. He didn't have that kind of money no matter how perfect the ring was. It was gold, wave pattern, with one small diamond in the centre, but nothing too extravagant.

"_So what are you thinking?"_

Having called a truce to their bickering Chaz and Hazel wandered over to offer their valuable expertise.

"_It costs three hundred pounds. I don't have that kind of money."_

"_No, but we do."_

Hazel smiled warmly.

"_No. I can't let you both…I mean I wanted this to be from me."_

"_And it will be._ His mum reassured him. _Just think of it as one of our gifts to you."_

"_One of? Why what else have you got planned?"_

"_Who do you think will be paying for this wedding? I mean it is usually the father of the bride, but since there is no bride that would mean Jackson's dad and there is no way in hell I can see him forking out for this."_

"_No I guess not. But this part I am meant to do myself."_

"_Not exactly. Traditionally wedding rings are passed from mother to daughter through families, but since Chaz's ring will obviously not be suitable we are buying this one."_

"_And you are sure you are both okay about this?"_

Aaron knew his mum didn't have this kind of money to be throwing around.

"_It's fine just focus on getting your man."_

He hugged her fleetingly before turning to the shop assistant and purchasing the ring in question.

"_So what do you think?"_

Aaron held the box open for them both to inspect, a Cheshire Cat grin on his face.

"_Beautiful."_

"_Perfect. He'll love it."_


End file.
